Grief Journey
**I wrote this post the morning of June 2, 2020. This was also a day in history-thousands if not millions of people put a black square on their instagram or social media to provide a day of silence for the Black Lives Matter movement. It didn’t feel write to share anything personal on this day.
8 years ago today, I lost my Mom. There hasn’t been a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. However recently it’s been easier for me to shift these thoughts into positive ones. This passed year, I finally allowed myself to grieve.
I thought this day would be a significant one to share what I’ve been up to. I decided to take the big scary words that most of my life I’ve been avoiding: spirituality, grief, healing and use them in my new “profession.” I don’t know exactly what this will look like, and honesty I’m excited (and nervous) about that.
About a year ago I started diving into the world of spirituality, learning about manifestation, truly feeling gratitude, being guided by my intuition, and for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I truly feel connected to a higher power. This growth has also brought some pretty intense healing. Grieving the loss of my Mom, grieving the significant life changing losses during my childhood, grieving past relationships, some friendships, my career in art education, and my plans and goals of my early adult life. This past year I’ve also been more vulnerable than I’ve ever been. I’ve learned the importance of being open and honest with myself and others and that being “real” is one of the most admirable traits a person can have. So maybe that’s why I’m writing this long post, to be vulnerable on such a public platform.
Grief has always been a scary word for me, it holds so much power, in some ways even resentment. If you knew myself and my family as a child, some people told us we seemed to have a dark cloud over us. I went to more funerals before the age of 10, then some people attend in their entire lives. I knew that our experiences were not normal, but I learned at an early age, mostly from my Mom, how to stay positive, how to be flexible, strong, caring, how to be the “peacemaker” and how to provide a sense of calmness and humor for my loved ones. Only recently have I noticed that these loses and bad times have significantly shaped my personality. Taking the time this past year to heal and connect to my spirituality has shown me what I believe my calling is: Guiding and helping others to grieve in a less traditional way.
This idea came to me back In January and I can probably count on one hand the amount of people I’ve opened up to about it. I figured I’d finally put this idea out into the world and give myself the kick in the butt and accountability I need to get started with it. Thanks to anyone who has gotten this far in this super long post <3 And thanks to my Mom, for being my biggest light, even when I wasn’t looking.