Coming home to Costa Rica

Almost a month ago, I moved back to Costa Rica. I’ve had quite a few people ask me why. Why leave and travel in the middle of a pandemic? Why go back to a place you’ve been so much before? Why not just stay put and travel when it’s safe? 

A couple months ago, after having COVID, I started to hit my own version of rock bottom.

 I had the worst anxiety I’ve had in my life. I was depressed, drinking and partying way too much, mostly self medicating my anxiety, which of course made it worse. I was buying things just to buy them, I gained weight, I was having terrible nightmares almost every night, sleeping around just to feel wanted, getting black out drunk to stop “feeling.” My self confidence hit a low I’ve never experienced in my life. 

I couldn’t do it anymore. So I decided to come back to the place where I have felt the most resilient, yet the most vulnerable. Some people would consider this running away from my problems, and maybe in some ways I did. But for me, it felt more like coming home to fix my problems. 

Besides the town I grew up in, Sámara is the only other place that has truly felt like home to me. Through my past 5 years of traveling, Sámara is the place I am always comparing, always looking for that similar feeling. 

I give myself just a little more time on my commutes to stop and chat with old friends. My dog is the happiest he’s been in years. I feel more free, more connected to nature, way less materialistic. Gratitude comes just a little easier here. 

Almost a month later, I finally feel like myself again. My anxiety has almost disappeared. Im working everyday to build back my confidence. As an added bonus, synchronistically some of my best girlfriends decided to come back here at the same time. 

So needless to say, I’m doing better. I’m feeling magic again.